Pondering the preponderance of musical genres, I think I think that breakup songs should be a category all its own. I can’t think of a musical style without noble contributions to the catalog. They are usually, but not always about the end of a romantic relationship. Take a minute and think about some of your favorite songs about what once was, is no more, might not should have ever been, and won’t be again. Just for kicks I’ll give you a fun list of favorites by theme at the bottom of this blog, which is the first one of two in part three of the series “I Give Up!” Got it? Let’s go.
The undisputable number one break up song of all time – according to me and evidently many others who bother to chronicle such trivial things - is “I’ll Always Love You,” famously written and recorded by Dolly Parton.) A decade and change later it was made much more famous and profitable by Whitney Houston.)
You might already know the ironic twist in the iconic tune; it wasn’t about a love gone wrong. It was about Dolly coming to the realization that her musical partnership and one-sided business arrangement with Porter Wagoner needed to end. The country crooner picked her out on her way up in late sixties Nashville and made her a staple on his weekly television show. The seven-year season had been beneficial to Dolly and a lot of others, but often at her expense. She acknowledged that those years of bittersweet memories made many amazing things possible. But staying longer would only delay and likely deny Dolly the exponentially greater success and significance her future afforded. It had to become a memory. Recognizing the necessary ending, tough as it was, she acted accordingly. It’s a good thing she did.
Necessary Endings is the title and theme of both a book and life’s work by Henry Cloud. He talks with great clarity about developing the ability to know when something absolutely needs to end. Using the analogy of trimming back bushes he writes,
“Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something’s time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning.”
It’s hard to know when and what one needs to quit. Harder still to find the courage needed to squeeze the handles that cut away once prized branches, stalks, and stems.
What fits into this matrix of giving up and lopping off? Some romances. (Hence the musical genre.) Other relationships can qualify. Dreams. Tough business decisions. Partnerships. Opinions. Habits. Hang-ups. Hurts. Jobs, your own others. Long held beliefs. Living arrangements. Outdated programs and strategies. Affiliations, affinities, addictions, and allegiances. It’s a long, long list.
With the biblical backing of Ecclesiastes 3 and Jesus’ parable of the gardener, Dr. Cloud preaches what Tennessee’s patron saint practiced. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they were meant to be, never accomplishing all their talents should afford them. So, what meets the criteria for such cutting and clearing? Three things. 1) Branches that are sick and not going to get better. 2) Healthy buds that are robbing nutrients needed to grow the best ones. 3) Overgrown spots that are dead or just taking up space.
So, let’s play the match game with those gardening principles. Are there clear any areas of unhealth and toxicity in your life? What good things take up the space, time, energy, and opportunity to nurture greater things? What are you holding on to that no longer aligns with your values and vision?
Identifying things that need to be cut away is hard and often feels heartless. But growth demands a healthy dose of both clarity and courage. We will talk about how to prune our next installment. For today, it’s enough to think about what and where to cut. Let Dolly inspire you and the Lord lead you, knowing that, like Ms. Parton, He will always love you.
P.S. – It is helpful to remember that Dolly had to write this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pW2TgGy5gjY
Before she could write this one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HMw1eV2Qcs
And oh, I almost forgot. The Best of Breakup winners are:
• Most Heart Wrenching – I Can’t Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt
• Best Twist of the Blade – You’re So Vain, Carly Simon
• Saddest – Can’t pick one. He Stopped Loving Her Today, George Jones, and Whiskey Lullaby, Brad Paisley and Allison Krauss (Written by Whispering Bill Anderson)
• Best Band Breakup Song – Wasted Time, Eagles
• Best Metaphorical Use of Fire – Sunny Came Home, Shawn Colvin, honorable mention, Independence Day, Martina McBride
• Best by Taylor Swift (there are so many) Another tie - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together and Better Man, recorded by Little Big Town
• Best Sixties Folk – Don’t Think Twice It’s Alright, Bob Dylan. Close second, Diamonds and Rust, Written by Joan Baez About Bob Dylan
• Best Bluegrass Breakup – Train That Carried My Girl from Town, Doc and Merle Watson
• Best Doo-Wop Contribution – Breaking Up is Hard to Do, Neil Sadaka
• Most Fun to Listen To - Let ‘Er Rip, The Chicks
• Best Use of Double Entendre – I Kissed Her on the Lips and Left Her Behind… For You - A little known singer-songwriter that I am vaguely familiar with
Feel free to add your own…