Last week I wrote about Dolly Parton’s professional breakup with country crooner Porter Wagoner and how it prompted and produced her most famous song; “I Will Always Love You.” By stepping off that stage and out of that shadow, she did the right thing, and by all accounts, did it at the right time. She did it for the right reasons, and with all her inherent grace and goodness, the right way. She gave everyone involved a gracious place to land but stuck to what she knew she had to do. (And, preserved multiple millions worth of deferred gratification when she wisely kept the publishing rights to the song.)
Henry Cloud tells us “Endings are not only part of life; they are a requirement for living and thriving professionally and personally. Being alive requires that we sometimes kill off things in which we were once invested, uproot what we previously nurtured, and tear down what we built for an earlier time.”
True that.
I want to swap object lessons for a minute. Instead of the pruning metaphor previously employed, I want to retrieve an effective fitness tool from my wife’s personal gym, the slam ball. A slam ball is a denser, rubberized upgrade of the old medicine ball that comes in various weights and sizes. They help athletes, and many not athletes, get the most out of their work out. You can hold them while you twist about. You can lift, throw, and catch them with various levels of intensity. Utilized deftly, these benign looking orbs will wear your body out, causing pain, fatigue, and embarrassment to the man who thinks he is stronger and more fit than he is. (Don’t ask me how I know; I just know.)
These modern gym staples are designed to be dropped, tossed aside, or as the name implies, lifted overhead and slammed to the ground. Take a second to picture doing that and then let’s learn a little about letting go.
Lighter balls can be easily dropped without much notice. One second you are holding it, then you are not. They represent the things in life that we just outgrow. Leave behind. Move beyond. Seasons pass and give way to others with little deliberation or remorse. Places we used to live. Neighbors we used to know. Hobbies we used to have. Grades we used to be in. Things that occupied time and attention but no longer do. As life marches on it would seem strange to carry those around. And so, we don’t.
The biggest, heaviest, most imposing balls represent the things we know we need to decisively, definitively, and demonstratively get rid of. Deadly addictions. Untamed appetites. Abusive relationships. Harmful habits. Dangerous liaisons. Illicit and illegal behaviors. Baaaad Influences.
No debate needed. No denial tolerated. Slam it down. Don’t pick it back up. Walk away. IYKYK. We can talk about those bad boys in another installment.
For today, we have the third one to consider. This ball is big enough to notice, but light enough to carry around. You have carried it for quite a while and could easily tote it longer. But not if you want to travel forward. Or travel lightly embracing what might come next. Holding on feels natural, familiar, and maybe even good. But you know releasing it is the only way to pick up and hold onto something else. Something different. Something better. Something new. Necessary. Real and right.
By now I suspect you know what that un-slammed ball represents for you. Might as well admit it; may as well name it. And when you do, the head and the heart will start up a conversation that goes like this. What if… how about… have you considered… here’s another perspective… a different opportunity… a way to be…ways to think…new things to do. Risk and reward will both weigh in, each claiming they alone can tilt the scale.
Well-worn paths will inevitably lead you to roads less travelled. Could one of them yours? Might this be the time to take it? Time will tell if it is time well spent. Where might you wind up? What will you leave behind? What will you take with you? There is a lot to ponder before the inevitable moment of truth.
What are you going to do with that just heavy enough ball that you are still holding? Could holding it up be what’s holding you back? What could change if you let go? What won’t if you don’t?
It’s your call. Your ball to drop. Or not. Whatever you decide to do, remember this.
Sometimes it’s ok to drop the ball.
