December 8th Advent Devotional

December 8

Psalm 13

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I bear pain in my soul

and have sorrow in my heart all day long?

…Consider and answer me, O Lord my God!

-Psalm 13:1-3a

On October 30, 2019, I resigned from a leadership position at work, as the demanding schedule and pressure was wearing on me both mentally and physically. It felt like one of the best days of my life! It was a new world of opportunities. With all of my past job experience and career success in my field, how could I lose?

Guess what? The prospect emails did not come back. What looked like an abundance of job opportunities dried up with the surge of Covid 19. I started to feel a sense of dread. My confidence faltered and questions crept in: “What if I’m not good enough?”, “What will others say?”, “Will I ever be able to help contribute for my family?”

This went on for a year. I slowly started to slip towards depression. Those of you who have experienced the spiral of depression understand the constant barrage of negative thoughts that creep into your head. These thoughts feed on each other until they create a hive of negativity that is hard to escape. I wanted to be positive through the process, but the negative thoughts always won out. I began to question God. I felt as the Psalmist did.

A few weeks before Christmas of 2020, I remember picking up dinner with my daughter. As I walked back to my truck, I looked up to see the North star. I stopped for a moment and begged God to help me find where I was needed. I realized where God had been speaking to me through others. God showed up through my wife’s support by listening to my negativity over and over again. God showed up through my daughter, Evie, who’s loving smile and kind words made me realize that being a father to her is good enough. God showed up through my friend groups and our community at FBC who helped me not to give up hope. If you are struggling this holiday season, know there are others here with you to lift you up and to love you as Jesus loves.

Derrick Wrye